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Regular life – an honest confession from a hopeless romantic

Destiny. Fortune. Karma. Fate. The will of God.

Your worldview may effect the verbiage, but I bet you’ve asked the question.

What does the future hold?

Where do I go?

What am I supposed to do?

The seasons of life can often see us swing from cool, collected action to shaky, unsure baby steps.

Several months ago, I had very little reason to tread confidently. Between our own decisions and what “life threw at us” we were left with a half-built house, no foreseeable source of income, major changes in relationships on all fronts and a baby on the way among other things. And yet…

Confidence. Boldness. Fearless action.

Fast forward. Our house is in the finishing process. Nic has a good job with great potential for the long term. We have peace as much as is up to us and hope for beautiful things in the future of our relationships with friends, family and community.

And yet I lay here tonight, awake and pensive. Why?

Because money is tight? Since when have I given a millisecond of concern to that?

Did we make a wrong move somewhere? If so, I can’t tell from where I stand. No, I’m pretty sure we’re right where we should be.

Because something is yet to come? Maybe. Well definitely. I mean, good or bad tomorrow will come.

Because I’m pregnant and therefore a hormonally imbalanced, irrational human being? Most likely, here’s our winner.

But seriously, why is it that sometimes things seem so foggy even when they’re not terribly difficult? Why is that sometimes I can step out on a seemingly fragile limb and somersault around like a child? Why is the next step so clear one day and then blindingly foggy the next?

I don’t know. If you do, shoot me an email. My guess is the same blissful, childlike faith is required for both. But when it’s do or die, groping around in the darkness for comfortable solutions isn’t an option. When life is like slacklining over a gorge, a person knows that the only way is forward. Without the riskiness of tough times, it’s easy to fall into the habit of feeling out which way seems best to me.

Do you believe in a god who makes a path for you? If not, how do you weigh your difficult life decisions? Does your choice today effect what would have or could have been? Obviously I do believe God has a say, but I’m super interested to hear your perspective as well.

I think that I’ve often seen long term mission work as appealing for this reason; life always has some amount of risk/difficulty to it. It forces you to lean on the Lord, take risks and actually, truly seek His will.

But God doesn’t seem to want me to move to East Asia or Haiti or India or anywhere else. He wants me to be a good steward right here. My husband has a regular job, we have a regular tiny farm (that’s barely worthy of the name and has a regular knapweed/soil problem), regular bills and regular children (though of course I think they’re splendid – the children that is, not the bills).

The challenge is not over oceans. It’s here. How do I step confidently into tomorrow knowing that I’m seeking & submitting to God’s will, not my own? Or better yet, how do I get so near to him that my will is conformed to his good and perfect will?

I know. There are many a Bible verse and Sunday School answer to these. But practically, it’s a lot harder to work out in real life than it was to recite the verse at church when we were kids.

It’s the first week of the year. I’m not a resolution person. Of course I want to work out and eat healthy and all that jazz (and play more jazz now that I’ve mentioned it). But from where I stand, the challenge this year appears to be faithfulness in “regular” life. I don’t do regular very well. You could pray for me…or wish me luck…or good karma for not buying clothes made by near slaves – whatever boats your float.

I’m pretty sure Jesus will be okay with me drumming up at least a little romance to spice it up, I mean otherwise he would’ve have created echidnas and platypuses right? And don’t forget the narwhals…and the manatees, love those. Anyways, I’ll keep it interesting growing a garden full of cut flowers, milking my cow and shooting for not socially awkward homeschool kids all the while hoping that doesn’t earn me an F- in accepting life as regular and just doing my best with it.

Peace.

P.s. What’s your plan? Let’s hear it!

Published inEverday BeautyFaith

2 Comments

  1. Love it! And this made me smile, “But seriously, why is it that sometimes things seem so foggy even when they’re not terribly difficult? I also want to step into tomorrow confident about God and His will. Yes!

    • eliciajohnson eliciajohnson

      Thanks Karen 🙂

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